Outside my window the snow falls in torrents. I sit in an upstairs bedroom at “The Wolf Den”, the place my mom is renting for the month up in the mountains. (The name Wolf Den was not her doing – that honor goes to the unit’s owners. I wonder often at who these wolves are in real life.) Below me are the voices of my mom and some of her oldest friends, all together in Colorado for some hiking and girl time. It’s wonderful.
I feel a fatigue in my bones from a month of hard work and busyness. I have complained at length on this blog about the tyranny of uncertainty in my life. Today, I aim not to complain but to observe that perhaps the uncertainty is ending – and feel a sense of gratitude in that.
This has been a week for the books. Rick and I became the proud Aunt and Uncle to a sweet little baby, Mary. So, Lisa (Rick’s mom), Rick, and I dropped paintbrushes and sandpaper and flew home to New York for a few days. Our arrival timed perfectly with the new family’s return from the hospital. We came, filled up their living room with tears and smiles, lots of cooing over the precious baby, and heaps of freshly cooked food. Rick and I were so elated to have a kitchen (after months!) that when we weren’t holding the new baby we cooked most of the meals for the family and guests while we were there. We took turns holding the little one in her perfect swaddle and pondered about when this all might be a reality in our lives. I picked their baby nurse’s brain to learn about the challenges and joys of her job with new families. I observed the new parents, and watched with such joy as Rick snuggled the newest addition in his arms and gave her lots of sweet kisses. It was such fun to have a short reunion with his brother and his brother’s wife in this precious time, with the newest little baby, and before they move abroad later this spring.
In addition to this wonderful news, after over a month of interviews with an engineering firm in Denver, I received an offer this week for a position that I am thrilled about. Though there remains much to determine, it is beginning to look like our lives may take a more permanent form here in the very place that they melded together. It is a welcome event. Though we have looked in many other places, Colorado feels like home, and fulfills many of our overarching desires for a long-term place to settle. We are meeting with a realtor tomorrow and beginning to look into giving this move some permanence. Joy!
By way of observation, I have witnessed many friends undertake the unpacking of dreams and plans that follow a marriage. It sometimes goes quickly and sometimes slowly, but in every case it is fun to watch two souls building their lives together. It is such a joy to be undertaking this process with Rick – working to accommodate his needs and mine, piecing together the pieces of a bigger picture that only the two of us have a clear vision of. I find that each day I am floored that I am actually a participant in this process, that I have somehow found myself in this place. I look at my finger and I am astounded to find that I am married, building a life, and acting the part of an adult, even if I sometimes don’t believe I’m qualified for the title.