Not my best blog…

I am probably not the world’s best writer while jubilant.  I just read my last post and even I felt a little annoyed with myself.

I really do value my positive side, annoying blog posts aside.  I have been cultivating that side of me for a while now and I think it looks good on me.  But I have always been innately positive, it’s just been suffused with a twisted inner cynic who comes and goes as she pleases.   I do love that cynical firecracker within me, but she needs to be kept in check.  She’s been on a tear today, but I’m hoping to keep her in reigned in.

I’m sitting on my mauve couches late at night, eating the last of my Christmas swirl cookies.  I had been so good about resisting them and making Rick gorge himself, but tonight is for cookies. (And holy shit, these cookies are UNbelievable.)

Cookies, beer, and 2 perfectly hand rolled cigarettes of to be exact.  And a soccer game.  And a meet and greet with a Schnauzer named Pepper. And learning to drive stick shift with my left hand.  Ah, yes.  What a night it was! Any night involving a schnauzer is a good one.  Just say schnauzer and try not to giggle.  I can’t.  Schnauzer.  Who named those poor little beasts?

I leave for Bali in less than 2 days, which is unreal.  Well, actually it’s not unreal at all. Bali is like 5 hours from Brisbane by plane.  And it’s an island nation that is supposed to be amazing.  Of course we’re going there. What else does a young couple with two incomes, family far away during the holidays, and a surfing habit do?  But, I have to admit that I’m a bit tired.  In the last month I have been to Cairns, Byron Bay, Sydney, and various other beaches and cities along the coast. Actually, make that the last 3 weeks.  Now I’m off to Bali.  Life is so good, but sometimes a girl just needs a little weekend routine of 7:30 yoga, juice bar, farmer’s market, and hanging out with my manfriend.  Sometimes that seems more appealing than a sandy beach.  But that’s just my tiredness talking.  Ignore it.  When I’m getting $10 massages on the beach in two days I will deny ever having said what I just said about beaches.

Now, you might ask yourself, why is Kat up at 12:22 writing about how tired she is?  And you might be on to something.  There isn’t a good reason really.  There is a reason (many actually), but they’re not good.

One of the reasons is that it’s too hot to sleep.  The second reason is that I think I had a spider in my bike helmet this morning because all day long I have been slowly growing a horn in the middle of my forehead which itches.  I am forced to conclude that a spider made his home in my helmet and that by flipping his house upside down and shoving my head inside it, I angered him.  I guess if someone did that to me, I’d bite them in the forehead and teach them a lesson too.  The other reason is that I didn’t eat dinner, which partially explains my cookie binge.

I’m not feeling all that bad about bingeing on cookies late at night, through it’s certainly not my proudest moment.  But,  hell, someone needs to eat them, right?  And, my yoga teacher (male, Anusara teacher – if you’ve followed the John Friend thing you might find this amusing) told me that my yoga outfit plus heels  and bike was disturbingly sexy, so I’m feeling pretty fly for horned beast.

So cookies.  Send ’em my way.

Ok, ok, let’s get to the meat of this. I felt writerly so I thought I’d stay up and finish this site rehabilitation report I’m writing for work, but when it came down to it I just couldn’t get excited about 1:1 plant ratios and floristic composition.  Plus there are possums outside hissing like the world’s going to end, and I’m concerned that they have some sort of extrasensory perception about tomorrow.  You know, like dogs before earthquakes?

Ok, so the world ends tomorrow. Because, obviously the Mayans are good at predicting the demise of things. Work with me here though.  What would you want your last note to the world to be?  Probably not a rambling diatribe about a spider bite on your forehead and cookies.

I’m failing this test miserably.

I guess I’d want the world to know I’m happy.  I’m in love. I have found a way to make the pieces of my life that previously felt incongruous fit together.  I have figured out a path forward where I used to feel stagnant.  And even though I don’t know all the answers yet, I know I have the right tools to figure out what I want, and the right people around me to support the process.

Also, I would want to say that it hurts me that I live as far away from my friends and family as one could possibly get and I can only talk to them while sitting in a lizard-infested corner of my office parking lot during select hours of the day, but I do it almost daily because I feel such a hole when they aren’t around.  I even almost sacrificed my best Tupperware to a monitor lizard for the pleasure of a lengthy chat with my mom.  If I could share a last message with the world, it would be that I so value the good people in my life and feel immensely blessed for all the love and support that I have.  Especially in tough times – and this year has given me a few speed bumps.  I’ve really learned a lot about gratitude and making your way with grace.  I can’t say I always embody these things, but my closest friends and family have reflected back to me that I have grown a lot over the last year and their smiles and pride make me really happy.  My favorite of these moments was when my Lifey told me that she could tell I was almost 30, because I was starting to sound wise.

Hot damn.  I’m wise.

(More like a wise ass.)

I don’t really think that this post contains ALL of what I’d share with the world.  Mostly it’s just a vignette into the ramblings of a tired mind bearing a fair bit of unexpected weight in the last few weeks.  That mind, and it’s owner, are well and excited that a year of unprecedented growth and personal development is in the books.  That mind is also reeling knowing another year has passed, and marveling at the way time slips away so quickly.

And on that note, that mind and it’s owner are crawling into bed to rest up for a week of surfing in Indonesia.  Merry Christmas to all!

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